Chris Writing Anything

If you could bring back one dinosaur, which one would it be?

Dinosaurs: they’re on the mind of most boys. That being said, this middle aged guy, yeah, if given the chance, I’ll sit down and watch a Jurassic Park movie. When I do, I can’t help but imagine these bygone beasts stomping through my trailer park. With that fact in mind, if I could only bring one dinosaur back…What would it be? In this rambling post, I’ll tell you my boyhood fantasy.

But before I do that, I’ll set the stage. As a boy, I liked King Kong. I hear you ask, “What does that have to do with bringing back dinosaurs?” I’d have to answer that King Kong himself, well, he has nothing to do with bringing back extinct creatures. However, the fact that he tore up New York City, yes, totally trashed the place, and then climbed the Empire State Building, uhh…where was I? Oh yeah, my choice is spurred by that sequence, and it’s also rendered because I love the ending of that movie.

I also loved my fifth grade science class. In that middle school forum, we learned about those lumbering reptiles.

Inspiring tons of nostalgia, I remember the drawings in the text books. They depicted exotic beasts, some with very intimidating auras, desperately battling each other. In the background, volcanoes violently spewed lava and ash into the dark sky.

With Mr. Dufek leading the way, we learned of thought provoking facts, tidbits about these extinct giants.

Fist off, of lesser interest, we learned of the herbivores; some had insatiable appetites. Even if plant eaters were fairly dull, some possessed cool defensive attributes. As I write this, I think of the tail of the stegosaurus or the three horned triceratops.

Anyways, my favorites, the dangerous beasts, the ones you certainly would not want to mess with, were the carnivores. They caused fearful imaginings in my young mind. I looked towards the pictures, with those menacing creatures lurking in exotic worlds.

My favorite pics were of those bloody clashes between a T-Rex and Triceratops. I always saw the Triceratops, with his sharp, piercing horns, as the heroic dino.

So, you would think that the triceratops would be my choice. Yet, a man craves danger…

And what is more dangerous than an apex predator: the Tyrannosaurus Rex? A beast that can run 10-25 miles per hour, stood twelve feet tall and had foot long teeth seems dangerous enough. Most sane humans would rather take on the nearest zoo’s lion.

Okay, okay. I know. I hailed the T-Rex as an apex predator, and the T-Rex, at least according to my research, wasn’t the largest dino carnivore, But…man…they’re dangerous as hell…and I don’t think any beast, dinosaur or otherwise, would have messed with the creature. So, brining it back…total chaos and destruction.

I hear your horror, “Chris, why the hell would you want that?”

I need a dangerous beast I can conquer. I could be an epic hero…and the poor T-Rex, well I’ll capture him and make sure he’s well cared for in a public zoo.

But, before that happens, and the T-Rex is safely incarcerated, I’d have to stop this deadly being from feeding on retirees.

You see, I live in a retiree trailer park. I’m not quite that old; I was grandfathered in.

So, now that I’ve brought back old Rex, and the beast is eyeing Greta through her home’s picture window, my mind is full of regret. Greta should notice the reptile’s voracious gaze, but she’s too engrossed in Oprah’s interview with Tom Cruise.

I, on the other hand, as I stand on the park’s quiet street, am frozen in fear. Every Christmas Eve, this nice old lady brings me a plate full of Christmas cookies. Now, this horrifying predator is emulating my glance at a snowman sugar cookie.

I have to stop Rex.

He can not eat little old ladies!

Quickly and stealthily, I reach the back of Greta’s battleship gray house. I look for a back door, yet, to my dismay, there are only small windows…yet, I could definitely slide my body through them…if only I could remove the glass.

I hear the T-Rex emit a rumbling sound. It’s something between a dangerous growl and the purr of a cat. Greta must hear it too.

A scream pierces the gray siding of her home.

Quickly, I check my surroundings. A sliver of hope hits me. I spy a retaining wall full off large, concrete blocks. I bend over and grab one of the blocks, instantly rising and smashing the window. I then grab the white sill and hoist myself into a guest bedroom.

From the bedroom, whose door is open and revealing a white hallway, I hear Greta’s whimpers. Then, as I’m moving quickly…

I see a walker in the hall.

Greta can’t run!! SHE CAN’T EVEN WALK!!

I run into the prim living room to see a horrified woman. Greta is turned in her recliner, staring at the demonic eye outside her picture window. She’s trembling. Tears are streaking her face.

She’s a bit pudgy…

and I weigh 150 pounds.

Yet I have no choice. Rex’s growl has become louder, and his eye is no longer visible. Instead, I see two rows of razor sharp teeth. I’m no dentist, but I believe this dude brushes and flosses.

His pearlies are scary!

Without thinking, I grab the 5’2” woman from her chair. Yanking her hard and throwing her over my shoulder.

I stagger backwards…yet, I remain standing.

And, as I almost breathe a sigh of relief, the chaotic chime of broken glass fills the room. And those rows of teeth clamp down on the sofa.

My thoughts are frantic. I glance at the living room door. It’s on the same wall as the window. However, right now, I think Rex’s scaly, green snout his caught in the window frame. Yeah, It’s caught like a knuckle in a soda bottle.

So I lumber with Greta over my shoulder. I bust through the front door, realizing that, sooner or later, Rex is going to pull his jaws from the demolished window frame. When he does, I won’t be able to out run him…not with poor Greta on my shoulders.

Then, as I look at my EV parked in my drive, I have a hair-brained idea. You see, sometimes, when I park my Bolt outside, I’ll plug it in. The cord stretches from the garage to my EV. The EV is backed in the drive. So, since the charge point is over the driver’s side tire, the cord stretches a long way.

Thinking about my chances, and scurrying in a frenzy, as Rex vigorously battles the window frame, I lug Greta into my enclosed sun porch. I’m a bit apprehensive, that’s because waist high windows encase this anti room, but, considering what I’m going to do, the little old lady will be safe.

I set Greta on a bench and bolt towards my drive. As the screen door slams behind me, with a vicious whip of his neck, sending a spray of vinyl, glass and wood, Rex angrily sends his head skyward. His blood curdling howl, which sounds like a cross between an elephant and a loon, dominates the quiet neighborhood.

This time, I don’t freeze. In order to save my neighbors, I need to act fast. I race towards my EV’s 220 volt charging cord.

Rex’s eyes track me like lasers, and, suddenly, like a bully stomping towards a cornered nerd, he lowers his posture and approaches me.

I don’t hesitate, reaching my power cord and grasping it with both hands. Rex, he sees prey. Me, I see only one slim hope.

The dinosaur is only paces from me. He cocks his head to the side, allowing his eye to determine if I’m worth eating. Then, in one fluid motion, Rex rears his head back, straightens it, opens his mouth and lunges towards me.

Watching this open vise of foot long, razor sharp teeth speeding towards me, I toss the cord towards it. Simultaneously, I dive under the predators head, rolling as I do.

In the distance, as the dino’s teeth clamp on the cord, a transformer emphatically explodes. Along with the eruption, and after I clear the large, scaly beast. The earth rumbles with the fall of this giant. My car is destroyed. I hope Flo from Progressive understands.

Anyways, Greta hobbles from the sun porch. Her hand is on her chest and her mouth is agape, “You saved my life!”

I turn, a victorious smile on my face, “Mine too!”

“Should we call the exterminator?”

I think about it… ‘Who the heck should I call?’ The zoo?

Anyways, long story short, Rex is at the zoo. The biggest enclosure they had was the giraffe house..those poor giraffes.

Have an excellent Day!