A Part-Time Travel Blog Parody

Before I delve into my latest challenge, I want to make clear that I take pride in what I write.  I also respect others, who choose blog topics similar to my own.  It’s just now, facing the current situation, I can’t do what I usually do.

So, what can I do?  Even if I am proud of what I write, I don’t take myself too seriously.  I’ve decided to poke a little fun, of course at myself only. You know, a bit of  parody.  So, I’ve chosen  America’s most famous restaurant  as this day’s topic.  Who, of course, still keep their drive-thrus open at the moment.  You may have guessed, I’ve chosen  those golden arches-Mc Donald’s.

You’ll have to excuse me if this turns out to be aweful.  My buddy suggested this Idea and, seeing how I don’t have a better suggestion to go on, I’ve accepted the challenge.  However, I’m certainly no Mel Brooks.

So on with my experience at my local McDonald’s…

I’m in familiar territory, heck I drive this road everyday.  It’s not long till I see the novelest of signs stretching towards the air.  Well, actually its not that novel, considering you find one at every cluster of commercial buildings within the United States.  The logo is pure American ingenuity, they simply chose the first letter of their name-I hear it’s Iconic.  And that’s pure genius, if this is a hint of what’s to come, I’m surely to have a memory that will last till wednesday.

Today, the restaurant’s dining area is closed, so I’m left with no choice but to indulge in the ultra-intimate setting of their drive-thru.  Here, you’re not just an order number on a screen, your a person.  To demonstrate this, the personable amenities such as in-your-face signing, automated voices and static crackling speakers await me with charming appeal.  Talking about one-on-one customer service!

I pull up to the first speaker, and as an example of excellent hospitality, I’m greeted by an automated voice.  This voice is kind, in a creepy ingenuine way, as it urges me to pull up to the next speaker.  Seriously, why is this one even here then?!   I pull up to the second speaker and, low and behold, am greeted by a plethora of options.

On a large, attractive menu board, I find all sorts of , what they call, combo meals.  There’s burgers and fries combos, chicken nuggets, chicken sandwiches and fish sandwiches.  Heck, they even offer salads for the those conscious about their health.

I don’t know for a fact, but I’m willing to bet that some of these dishes were contrived ages ago in the McDonald’s ancestral home of Ireland.  You know, tasty sounding dishes, such as the Filet o’ Fish, the McChicken and the Mc Flurry all have the alluring sound of Irish appeal.  I’ve been told, till the end of March, they offer a Shamrock shake that is made from real Shamrocks.  The cost is incredibly reasonable for said beverage, considering how rare a Shamrock is.  How do they do it?

As you can Imagine, as I picture the rolling green of Ireland, I’m severely embattled as I try to make the perfect choice from their abundant selection.  A voice, belonging  to a young lady asks me twice “Are you ready to order?”  This allows me to exercise my lungs, as I yell over the roar of a  1992 Chevy Corisca that lacks a muffler-which is idling behind me. “I need a second to think about my choices!!”

Her voice crosses over the speaker, halfway through her sentence.  “…whenever you’re ready.”  I can only assume she meant ‘you can order whenever you’re ready’, which, I’m sure, is alright with the haggard grandmother behind me, who’s loveable grandchildren are screaming a chant of ‘HAPPY MEAL…HAPPY MEAL!!’ over the growl of her vehicle’s broken exhaust.

I decide on a delicious sounding quarter pound burger known as a  quarter pounder with cheese, such a clever name.  I’m pretty psyched!  Ordering turns out to be a struggle.   I think that considering the drone of the car behind us, the girl taking my order is literally guessing at things on the menu.  Finally she yells across a static laden speaker, “A number three?”

“Yes!!”  I cheer.

“…to drink?”

“A coke?”

“No, this isn’t a Joke!”

“I know, I want a Coke!!”

“…a. co..3… is that correct?”

I check out the digital screen if front of me, and realize she got the order right.  “Yeah.”

So I pull through a one lane stretch and, low and behold, four cars are ahead of me.  Of course, I show patience.  After all, McDonald’s is practically everyone’s failsafe.  It doesn’t take long, and I’m only one car behind.  Yet, as I wait, there was a apparently a mix up, as after the first of four bags are handed through the pick up window, a long conversation ensues.  Bags are handed back and fourth, and I’m beginning to suspect that I might end up with a McChicken instead of a beef patty.

Finally, I reach the window, and it’s a simple exchange.  She asks for money, I hand her my debit card in exchange for my drink.  It’s like a deposit or something, I give her money and she gives me something to sip while I wait.  My card comes back along with my food and I’m set to hit the open road.

I make the trek back to my domicile, the alluring aromas of fries and burgers captivate me.  My patience is thwarted and I’m not going to make to my place before I indulge. I grab the mighty quarter pounder with cheese and take a bite.  Much to my chagrin, whoever was in charge of ketchup decided that he’d give me a bonus pump.  And as I bite down, ketchup seeps from the bun onto my pants.  Alas, patience is a virtue.  I Put the food away and wait till I’m safely home.

All and all, it’s another typical trip to my local McDonald’s.  And There’s a blotch on my jeans to rekindle the fond memories of this particular go round.


Many Safe Travels to come!








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