Chris Writing Anything

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

If I could change my name….hmm, what would I go with? I need a name that defines who I am. Yet, I don’t know what angle to take. Really, I need to take myself lightly. A guy that thinks he’s all that, yeah, it’s a bit off putting. Yet, do I go that route, I mean, demean myself to the point I look ridiculous?…eh, maybe not the best idea, but why not.

Here’s what I’d go with; Sir Idon’twannapeemypants. No, it’s nobody’s native tongue; it’s simply the truth. I do run into problems, yeah, I think you know what I mean. Sometimes, the urge to pee strikes at the most inopportune times, traffic jams for instance.

You see, I urinate frequently, and, at times, I sprint to the toilet. I know, not the sexiest thing in the world, actually downright goofy, but this condition has plagued me for years. Not proud of it, actually, I’m fairly embarrassed, but it’s a fact I can’t deny.

And when you’re stuck in a traffic jam, there is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, you can do. I feel like dancing around, but, when I’m driving, I’m sitting down in a very cramped space. So, my feet start moving, with the car standing still of course, like I’m playing a double bass drum for Metallica. Then, when the urine is pressing my urethra’s walls, I begin rocking back and forth.

If no one’s moving, what the hell should I do? What can I do? I can’t simply jump out of my car, stand in the middle of the freeway and bare all. I might get away with it, but the rest of the drive would be horribly uncomfortable. Plus, and I’m sure, since there’s really nothing else to do, someone would jot down my license plate number.

So, sadly, the only thing I can do is, and yeah, embarrassing as it is to admit it, just wet myself…that has happened.

So, if you choose to call me Sir Idon’twannapeemypants, I might glare at you at first. But then, as I realize the humor, and how harmless, albeit very humiliating such incidents are, I’ll probably concede a chuckle. And, uh-oh, nature calls…so I’ll conclude this post….

Have an excellent day!